Dare for a Swear
by Devin Trinidad
Summary: Five dares Klaus to do something quite horrible and frankly, stupid. Don't worry, it's only twenty dollars that are being put on the line. (Pre-TVseries)
1. Chapter 1

"Klaus, I have a proposition for you."

"A propa—what?" He leaned his back against his desk and tried to read Five's impassively smiling face. "You know I got a looooot of questions wrong on this week's language lesson. Just speak the Queen's English."

Five rolled his eyes. "First of all, I am speaking the Queen's English. Second of all, that was on last month's spelling unit. Do you ignore every tutor or are you so stupid that you can't even remember?"

Klaus shrugged, not at all offended. "A little bit of both."

"Fine then—" Number Five rubbed the bridge of his nose as Klaus clapped his hands in excitement. "—I have a deal to make with you."

"Ooooh!" Excited, Klaus clapped his hands. "Do tell, dear Five."

Even when Five was giving him the infamous look of death, Klaus was more than pleased with the reaction. Usually, if he was being too annoying, Five would have already left via his teleporting ability.

"I want you to swear." At Klaus' confused expression and overall vibe of 'what good would swearing do?', Five decided to elaborate. It was the least Five could do for his dearest brother. "I want you to let loose that drunk sailor impression in front of Dad."

Klaus went pale.

Five took notice of his brother's rapidly declining color with a small smirk on his cherubic face. If this were a prank, Five would have called Klaus' expression a pure win.

"Are you game? Do this for me and I'll do your math work for the next three days." Five held out his right hand, but Klaus refused him. The taller boy had a contemplative look on his face, almost as if he wanted more incentives. Five sighed. "And I'll give you money so you can go and do…whatever it is you do when you sneak out."

Klaus may have looked playful and hungry at the mention of money, but his expression became borderline melancholic. "You've made a wonderful offer, Five, but I can't just go up to Dad and go 'Christ on a cracker, Reg!' what would Mom say?"

"Dad doesn't care and Mom is a robot."

"What about dear Pogo? You really want to upset him?"

Five looked at his brother incredulously. "Since when do you care about anyone but yourself?"

"Ever since the idea has the very high probability of my getting locked in a mausoleum or something." Klaus squeezed the edge of the desk behind him; it was a futile gesture meant to ward away the nightmares of that ghastly place. Years might have passed from those frightening images, but Klaus was in no hurry to relive those memories.

"You know what a mausoleum is, but you can't pronounce proposition?"

"In my defense, I also don't know how to spell mausoleum."

Five gave him that look that was only a hundredth of Dad's one thousand watt scowl. If Klaus didn't know any better, he would have thought that Five was going to resort to violence. As it was, Five was merely calculating if their mutual benefactor would hate it if Klaus were to disappear.

Probably. Four was still a number and an asset to the Umbrella Academy.

"And anyway," Klaus continued, "you never explained why. You're usually more…I don't know, serious and you got life figured out already. What benefit is it to you if I swear in front of Dad? I'm pretty sure the old man already knows that we all swear—especially you."

"Do the why's really matter?"

"Seeing as you're only talking to me and throwing the whole 'I'll do your math homework for like a week' thing, there's gotta be something else in that pretty head of yours." Klaus huddled back onto his desk as he took in Five's passive face. "There's gotta be something that you want."

After hearing Klaus' conclusion, Five didn't know what to say. Generally, Klaus was annoying as a wasp. He was loud, obnoxious, and completely resistant to practicing with his powers. Five couldn't exactly blame him for that, though. (A part of Five felt a sense of respect for his higher ranked brother). His powers were extraordinary and the old man was too relentless and uncaring towards his adopted children. But that ounce of respect was not enough for Five to completely tell the truth.

"Maybe I just want to get you in trouble. You know what Dad said about uncouth language and obscene innuendoes."

"Pretty sure Allison and Luther are already acting out those obscene innuendoes."

The both of them shared a secret look, a look that siblings around the world can attest to using, before both of them huffed a few chuckles.

"It's only a matter of time before they get caught. It's surprising to know that those two haven't already."

"I'm more surprised that you know what innuendo means."

Klaus rolled his eyes at Five's quip. "And the smart aleck decides to come back for an extended vacay." For no sane reason, Klaus allowed his both to slide onto the floor with a small thud. "Seriously, thought, you gotta have a reason."

Five scowled at Klaus' display of carelessness. It would have been a hysterical sight if it wasn't for the fact that it happened regularly. To be honest, that was why Five chose him in the first place. Any more information about that was not going past Five's tightly sealed lips.

"Let's call it a—" Five scrunched up his face as he tried to think of an appropriate word to describe the situation. "—science experiment. You like those, right?"

"And what's your projected hypothesis?" Klaus leaned on his arms as he tried to get a better look at his brother. "That we all find out that Dad's super power is to internally implode when he hears a bad word?" He sank back, totally prone, on the floor. "I'd rather die."

"Well, that's what's going to happen anyway…why not just speed up the process?" Brusque and grotesque the matter was, but the tiny hint of teasing helped soften the blow. "And anyway, I have twenty dollars on the line."

Getting tazed would not have given Klaus that much energy to jump up and ogle Five. "T-t-twenty dollars?" Klaus leaped up to his feet. Even Five's overconfident disposition whilst lounging on the bed wasn't enough to soothe him."Twenty dollars for a dare. _For_. _A_. _**Dare**_. You know how many third world countries would kill to have that much dough?"

"Klaus—" Five flopped back onto the bed with a huff. "—that's like calling the kettle black. Besides, you spend so much of your money on the most frivolous of things. Cut me some slack."

"Yeah, because you're Five and I'm Four. People expect me to be frivolous while you…"

"Me?"

"Yeah! You're you and I'm me!"

"And twenty dollars are—"

Klaus, not really caring about the money in the first place, decided to interrupt his dear brother.

"Who are you betting against? I bet it's Ben and Vanya."

Five sighed, more out of fond exasperation and not of genuine frustration at being interrupted. "You really think those two wouldn't believe that you would swear in front of Dad? I'm betting against Luther and Allison."

"Who else knows about this proposition?"

"Everybody except for the adults."

Klaus was absolutely floored. There was no way that twenty dollars were being thrown on the line based on the fact that he would allegedly swear at Dad. Geeze, he wondered how, why, and when the rest of his siblings managed to get together and come up with this stupid bet/dare/thing.

Klaus rubbed his hands in delight; he loved being the center of attention. "Tell me, what are you all betting on?"

"Vanya, Ben, and I are betting on your swearing and Dad not paying attention. Luther and Allison think you'll get us all in collective trouble."

"And Diego?"

"He think it's stupid."

Klaus feigned swooning all over his desk, his limbs splayed out. "For shame for not participating with the rest of us siblings!"

Five said, "I've calculated the possibilities that'll make—"

"Ooooh, don't tell me!" Klaus jumped onto the bed beside Five. "I'll place my own bet and play along."

Five raised an eyebrow. "You still have money?"

"Darling, we live with an eccentric billionaire; we always have money."

"All right then. Which team—"

"My own team." Klaus flashed a predatory smirk at his brother. "You're going to regret ever telling me about the bet."


	2. Chapter 2

Ben sat in the library, his feet planted firmly on the floor while his hands held the book flat on the table. Beside him, Vanya wrote down notes while idly thumbing through the pages of a tattered textbook. As the two worked in companionable silence, they didn't notice the faint electric blue of a portal opening up behind them. It was to their surprise, and Five's smug satisfaction, that when he jumped onto the floor with the grace of a cat, that both of his siblings startled from their shared study time.

"Five!" Ben abandoned his book in favor of scowling at his higher ranked brother. Although he was slow to anger, he was in the midst of riveting prose that had yet to be replicated by any other author. "Didn't Dad tell you—"

Five teleported again so that he stood in front of their shared space. In doing so, he managed to ignore Ben's warning.

Ben grumbled a little himself. "Aaaand… there he goes again."

"It's Five," Vanya murmured in reassurance. "He's always going somewhere and being rude."

"I second that last part."

With all the obnoxiousness Five could muster, he cleared his throat and stared pointedly at them. As much as Ben and Vanya hated to admit it, Five had mastered dear old Dad's thousand watt glare. With a sigh, Numbers Six and Seven rewarded their brother with their full attention.

"Thank you for your cooperation it only took about, oh—" Five paused for a moment as if he were about to consult with a clock. "—a lot longer than would be expected."

"We're supposed to be studying for tomorrow's math final."

"Is that why you're reading Tolkien?"

Vanya decided to intervene before Ben could make a fool of himself in trying to explain himself.

As diplomatic and kind as ever, Vanya said, "Actually, Ben didn't need help, I, uh…" Vanya fiddled a little with her pencil as she hesitantly showed Five her notebook that had several scribbled equations and notes on the margins. "I needed some extra tutoring and Grace is busy with dinner and—"

Five waved her worries away, an indulgent look in his eyes softening his features when he saw her frazzled look.

"Relax, Vanya. Actually, I come bearing great news!" He paused, the dramatic little cretin that he was, and proclaimed, "The pot just got bigger."

Vanya's eyes widened. "Dad's going to kill all of us."

Ben dropped his head onto the cover of his book. "Worse. He's going to train us to the point of death, but not totally."

Five snickered to himself as he teleported again to the back of their chairs so that he could lean in close to their ears.

"Klaus is planning to debut during dinner. Better be prepared." He winked at their concerned faces before blipping out of existence.

As one, Vanya and Ben turned back to their books they had laid out on the table.

"Do you think…" Vanya chewed her lip before continuing. "Do you think Grace will believe me if I told her that I feel sick?"

Ben shook his head sadly. "Grin and bear it, Vanya. Maybe Klaus won't go overboard."

Vanya's eyebrows rose to her hairline.

"But Ben! It's Klaus!"

* * *

Diego punched the dough a little harder than was necessary. Almost immediately, he began to feel a little bad, especially when Grace looked at his work and clicked her tongue in what appeared to be maternal concern.

"Diego, what's wrong?" The blonde robot brushed her perfectly smooth fingers against the apple of his cheek. Her eyes were always carefully blank and nurturing, but sometimes, especially when Diego looked too closely in quiet moments like these, he could see a hint of humanity that Diego never saw in anyone else.

"N-nothing, M-m-m..." Diego took a moment to himself, pictured the word in his mind's eye and spoke. "Mom."

Grace's blank eyes seemed to twinkle under the fluorescence of the kitchen lights. Still, there was enough maternal programming that had her looking Diego dead in the eyes so that he had no choice but to confess.

"O-okay! I think that Five and Klaus are planning on doing something later!"

Diego was not a snitch.

Seriously, he was not.

It's just… Grace can be very persuasive at times and while that may not exactly be part of what dear old Dad had intended, she still managed to pull Diego's heartstrings.

That or—

Diego Hargreeves was a major Momma's Boy.

Grace blinked.

"Are they planning a surprise for your father?"

At that point, Diego had thought that Grace would end the dare before things got out of hand. Now that she had a somewhat skewed interpretation of what was going to happen, Diego didn't want to mess this up. Despite what he had said earlier, he kind of hoped that Klaus was going to do it. Dad was a pain and if someone were to get under his skin, then it was better Klaus than him.

Hell, maybe he would throw in his own two cents while everyone's distracted. Klaus was annoying and stupid, but Diego wouldn't want to let his little brother take the fall all on his own.

"Y-yeah!" Diego pasted an uncertain smile on his face, a smile that brought out an even brighter grin onto Grace's face. "I think… I think it'll be a fun surprise!"

Grace clapped her hands before turning back to the dough.

"Well then, I hope your father appreciates it."

Diego grimaced.

Oh, knowing Dad, he was definitely going to town on them for the rest of the week if Klaus was going to do what he thought he was going to do.

* * *

Allison and Luther weren't holding hands, but they were certainly close to doing so. The both of them had been sparring in one of the training rooms in their free time. They had been diligent in their training, but after a while, sparring had devolved from martial art techniques to dancing around each other with tiny grins and shy laughter.

After a quick glance at the clock, they had opted to take a quick shower before heading down to dinner.

Once they reached the doors to the dining hall, Luther took Allison's hand gently and squeezed, which she responded in kind, before letting go entirely.

Surprisingly, Allison and Luther were the first ones present. Given how often Diego was with Mom, they would have assumed that he would already be there. A closer inspection of the table showed that the table was already set, which wasn't weird in and of itself, it's just that they were alone once more.

Allison approached her chair while Luther did the same.

In a few moments, their other siblings would arrive with their father closely behind.

"So," Allison began to ask with a slight smile on her face, "you think that Klaus is going to do it?"

Luther shrugged, clearly uncomfortable with the idea. "You think we should warn Dad?"

She laughed. "And ruin everyone's fun? I kind of want to see Dad's face."

Luther smiled a little uneasily at that before adding, "Still, I have a feeling that—"

"Ugh, you two." Luther and Allison turned their heads in uncanny synchronization as they watched Diego emerge from the kitchen area with Mom in two. "If you keep making m-m-moon eyes at each other—"

Luther and Allison chimed at the same time.

"We weren't."

"Of course not!"

Diego rolled his eyes as he took his place beside Allison, leaving Mom to fuss at the dining table cloth and the silverware.

"Just so you know, Mom kind of knows." Diego muttered.

Allison turned to him with a look bordering on smug exasperation and incredulity. "And you call me a daddy's girl!"

"She forced my hand!"

"Well, if that's the case," Luther tried to interject in an amicable manner, "then we won't have to worry about Dad getting angry." That said, he nodded his head decisively, as if everything was all right with the world.

"Here's the thing, dipsh—"

"Language, Diego." Mom patted the back of her hand against Diego's cheek as he immediately ate his words and smiled unsurely at the blonde robot.

At that moment, an electric blue portal blipped into existence signaling the arrival of Five. He brushed off the cuffs of his uniform, looking all for the world like he was above the rest of them. In a way, he was, but that didn't mean that the others liked to acknowledge his superiority.

Shortly after, two pairs of footsteps walked in. One pair was noticeably more stable and confident than the other, which were noticeably softer and timid than the first. In came the lowest ranked members of the family, Ben and Vanya. As Vanya took her place at the head of the table and Ben standing at her right, the Hargreeves dinner table was just about complete.

Still, all six siblings eyed the last remaining chair that stood between Allison and Ben.

Klaus's chair stood empty and unguarded.

Where was their fourth brother?

"Five," Luther ordered, "where is—"

Five raised a finger to his lips. Luther looked scandalized, but immediately pasted a blank, if expectant, expression on his face when they heard the brisk pace of Reginald Hargreeves enter the dining hall.

Dad had arrived and if Klaus didn't show up soon enough—

Reginald Hargreeves glanced at the time and stood at the head of the table.

"It appears that Number Four is late. Let us begin!"

* * *

Let it be said: Reginald Hargreeves was no fool.

The instant he stepped inside the dining hall, he knew that there was something troubling the children.

Numbers One and Three were sending concerned glances at each other and at Number Four's chair. Number Two, alone in his emotions as ever, had taken to staring daggers at his plate of food, but he often glanced up to the dining hall doors. Number Six had foregone his book for today's dinner, an interesting choice considering that boy was always lost in a novel. Numbers Five and Seven held a silent conversation with their eyes and hand movements. Sometimes, Number Six would interject, but would remain still and keep his eyes trained on his plate.

Although Reginald Hargreeves was more than aware of the tension that permeated the atmosphere, he was genuinely curious: what were the children up to? Usually, it was Number Five who would dare stand up against him. (Fat lot that would do, but it somehow garnered that young hellion a scant bit of respect). Honestly, he didn't think that Number Four would do anything specifically against him (the boy was too much of a disappointment to try something), but there was always a first time for—

It was Vanya who heard it first.

Because Reginald had his eyes trained on her, he immediately noticed her eyes widening before she glanced up at the dining hall entrance, Numbers Five and Six quickly following suit. When half the siblings present were pointedly paying attention to something outside the dining hall, the higher ranked Numbers looked up as well and—

Reginald Hargreeves sighed through his nose and finally deigned to look in the same direction as his children.

His monocle fell onto his plate, clattering, but he paid no attention to it.

"Number Four!" Reginald Hargreeves rose from his seat, fully intending to punish Number Four for interrupting dinner with his inanity when—

"WHAT'S UP DADDIO!"

There, Number Four stood in all of his glory.

Instead of the regulation standard uniform, Number Four had somehow cobbled together a mixture of Grace's dresses, the female uniform, and other fabrics that he could only assume had come from several curtains around the house. That wasn't the only thing that caught his eyes. Number Four's eyes were rimmed with some sort of cosmetic product; a jaunty, badly combed wig sat upon his head; and on his feet, there were a pair of stilettos that Reginald Hargreeves knew didn't belong to Grace.

How…?

Before he could ponder further, Number Four strode up to his seat, pulled it out, and sat like he owned the place. Number Four took a long, loud gulp of water before he belched and looked his benefactor in the eyes.

"SUP BITCH?"

* * *

Five placed the stack of math worksheets and compilation of notes onto Klaus's desk. Although he kept his face calm and stoic, his light green eyes roved worriedly over his brother's lanky frame. After three days in the mausoleum, Klaus had been finally granted a reprieve.

This was his first night back.

Silently, Five dug into his pocket to pull out a wad of bills, which he laid flat on the top of the math work. Alongside that, there were other notes and worksheets.

Allison had donated several pages of French and Latin.

Ben had dropped off his English essay.

Luther penned notes and tips for their science lessons.

Diego had put together some books that would help in their civics lessons.

Sweet Vanya had penned a short little story and a few odd pieces of poetry meant to make Klaus smile.

"Thanks, buddy," Five muttered as he ruffled Klaus's hair. "It was a bit more than what we were expecting, but it was definitely worth it."

With that, Five teleported back into his room.

Shortly after Five disappeared, Klaus shifted in his sleep and sighed peacefully into his pillow. For some odd reason, the nightmares had lessened at Five's touch and now, he could finally be at peace.


End file.
